Sometimes people find their way to our website because they’re struggling in life.
If someone were to ask you right now whether you’re having thoughts of suicide, what would your honest answer be?
If the answer is yes, this is undoubtedly a really difficult time for you.
You don’t need to go through tough times alone. Help is available.
It’s not uncommon for men who were sexually abused in childhood to experience suicidal thoughts. If this is something you’re dealing with, know that many others have been there too, and found a way through. This page is here to offer information and support to help you navigate these difficult and sometimes overwhelming thoughts.
Prioritize your well-being
This is an important topic, but also a heavy one. Take care of yourself as you read through this page, and give yourself permission to pause or step away if that feels right. The StrongAfter Strength Toolkit is there to support you whenever you need it.
Speaking Directly
Before we get any further, we want to mention that some of the information on this page will feel quite direct and serious. That’s because suicide is serious, your safety matters, and sometimes it’s necessary to make the tough call and take action in the short term to address difficulties and be in a better place in the long term.
For some men who’ve experienced childhood sexual abuse, challenges have been building up for a long time, to the point that they now feel overwhelming and beyond what you can manage on your own. If that’s where you are today, we understand.
Taking action to address suicidal thoughts can be the important first step in addressing the impacts of abuse an beginning to reclaim your life, for you.
Take Action
- Speak directly and honestly about how you feel, including talking about suicidal thoughts and wanting to end your life.
- If you’re on your own right now and struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out for support. Help is available, and there are people ready to listen.
988 Lifeline
Offers free and confidential 24/7/365 support for anyone experiencing emotional distress or crisis, connecting you with trained counselors via phone, text, or chat.
Contact: Call or text “988” or visit the website to access the chat.
RAINN
The largest anti-sexual violence organization in the U.S., offering a 24/7/365 confidential support line, resources, and a national network of service providers.
Contact: Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4637), text HOPE to 64673, or visit the website to access the chat.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
The Sexual Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7/365 treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Contact: Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
The Trevor Project
Free and confidential 24/7/365 crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth.
Contact: Call 1-866-488-7386, text START to 678-678
Veterans Crisis Line
Free, confidential support 24/7/365 for military veterans and their loved ones. You don’t have to be enrolled in VA benefits or health care to connect.
Contact: Dial “988” then press “1,” text 838255, or visit the website to access the chat.
Strategies for Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts
If you’re struggling with thoughts of suicide, it’s really important to deal with them rather than trying to ignore or push them aside.
Whether those thoughts are there in the background or have moved to the front of the mind, it’s essential to take them seriously and have a plan for dealing with them.
Seek help early. Be proactive, identify someone you trust, and make that call. You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable.
Call one of the 24-hour support services listed above. The people on the phone or chat won’t judge you for what you’re thinking and feeling. They’re used to having tough conversations and are trained in providing support that can help you manage difficult thoughts, both now and in the future.
Reach out and connect. Let trusted friends, family, colleagues know what’s on your mind and that you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts. Connect and talk honestly. Keep a list of contacts you can call, including support services.
Check in with your therapist, primary care provider, or another health care professional. Be up front and let them know that you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings. Remember: asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Commit to a safety plan. Come up with a plan that you can put into action at any time. For example, make an agreement and commitment to call family, friends, support or emergency services when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Talk it out and write it out. Just talking things through and writing down what’s going on in your mind can help relieve pressure and organize your thoughts. It can help you feel less alone and more in control.
Develop an awareness of triggers. Understanding what sets these thoughts in motion can help you feel more in control. Check out our pages on Dealing with Flashbacks & Nightmares and Unhelpful Thinking Patterns & Basic Problem-Solving. A therapist can also be a great help in unpacking and navigating triggers.
Push the pause button and postpone any decision. Make a deal with yourself not to act on suicidal thoughts today. Many people find that if they postpone acting, even for a few hours, it can provide breathing space and an opportunity to check in with someone and access the support you deserve.
- Focus on your senses: Taking time to think about what you can smell, taste, touch, hear, and see right now can help ground your thoughts. You might get a glass of water, eat something if you’re hungry, or sit somewhere comfortable.
- Steady your breathing: Take slow, deep breaths, focusing on a long, gentle exhale.
- Go outside. Step outside outside, look around, and feel the sun, wind, or rain against your skin. This can help you to feel more connected to your body. Connect with nature, spend time walking and exercising with those who help you feel supported (this includes pets!)
- Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a good friend, practice self-compassion, and do something nice for you.
Support and encourage yourself, as you would encourage a friend. Remind yourself that you can get through this. You’re not alone. Lots of people have struggled with suicidal thoughts and have found a way through. Repeating to yourself that you can get past these feelings can help you regain hope and a positive focus.
Recognize that you have skills and resources. It’s unlikely that this is the first difficult time you’ve faced. At times, suicidal thoughts can make it hard to see your own skills and resilience, but they’re still there. Draw on your problem-solving abilities and resourcefulness. They’ve helped you before.
Remember that you have something to offer. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you have something to offer now, and in the future. Your presence, your ability to listen, and your understanding, especially as someone who knows what it’s like to experience abuse and survive hard times, may one day be exactly what someone else needs.
Don’t pressure yourself to push through and go it alone. This may be a time to not only address suicidal thoughts, but also to begin working through other challenges connected to childhood abuse. You don’t need to go it alone. There is a growing community of survivors, understanding mental health professionals, and other supporters who can walk alongside yo
Check out and make use of the StrongAfter Strength Toolkit resources, including: Grounding and Breathing Exercises, Mindfulness , Relaxation and Quiet Time, Being Active, Connection and Community
Men and Risk of Suicide
For many men, talking about emotional pain or asking for help doesn’t come easily. Messages about needing to be strong, self-reliant, or “handle it on your own” can make it even harder to reach out, especially during life’s lowest moments.
“Men are at higher risk of suicide and societal pressure to be tough and independent may discourage guys from seeking help during life’s low points. Other things can increase that risk, like substance abuse, a history of trauma and abuse, isolation, poverty, imprisonment, family or relationship breakdown, mental or physical health issues, and problems with work or money…” www.mensmindsmatter.org
We also know that men who were sexually abused in childhood are significantly more likely to experience suicidal thoughts than men in the general population.
The encouraging news is that we’re learning more about the factors that can increase risk, as well as what can help reduce it. There are ways to strengthen coping, improve well-being, and find support that makes a real difference. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to figure it out on your own.
- Feeling isolated and alone
- Self-blame, guilt, shame, low self esteem
- Difficulties managing strong emotions—feeling fearful, anxious, acting aggressively, risk taking
- Using alcohol and drugs
- Loss of hope
- Over investment in traditional masculine norms that limit emotional expression and help-seeking
What We Know Can Help Men Heal and Improve Well-being After Abuse
- Accessing supportive, relevant information can help reduce feelings of isolation, self-blame, and shame.
- Practical, skill-based support. Developing concrete life skills can help address the impacts of sexual abuse. This includes learning how to identify, tolerate, and manage emotional distress, reducing anxiety, aggression, and the misuse of alcohol or other substances. (See: Understanding & Managing Emotions).
- Talking with someone you trust. Sharing what you’re going through with a supportive partner, friend, colleague, or health professional can make a real difference.
- Talking with others who’ve had similar experiences. Peer support can be especially powerful. Many men find that building connections, sharing stories, and even supporting others strengthens their own well-being.
- Building hope and resilience. Developing a sense of hope, reframing experiences in more compassionate ways, and cultivating a growth and resilience mindset can support healing. Practicing optimism, self-compassion, and self-understanding can help you move forward at your own pace.
For Friends and Family
We know it can feel intimidating or overwhelming to support a man in your life who’s experiencing suicidal thoughts. At the same time, showing up with care and responding thoughtfully can make a real difference.
Below you’ll find information to help you support someone experiencing suicidal thoughts, including men who’ve had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences.
Be Prepared to Take Action
Above all: If someone tells you they plan to harm themselves, be prepared to act promptly. Don’t assume that they will get better without help, that someone else will step in, or that they’ll seek out help on their own. Reaching out and checking in with them now could save a life.
Support is Available
In addition to calling 911, information and support is available from services that have experience responding to suicidal thoughts. If you’re speaking with someone who’s expressing suicidal thoughts and you’re not sure how to respond, you can contact 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) by calling or texting “988” anytime, 24/7/365. You can also reach out to any of the other support services provided above.
Behaviors to Look Out For
- Talking about suicide, expressing thoughts about death, and/or previous suicide attempts
- Talking about feeling hopeless, helpless, worthless, or seeing self as a burden
- Taking less care of himself and his appearance
- Losing interest in things he previously enjoyed
- Dramatic change in behavior, including becoming unusually happy or calm
- Saying goodbye to others and/or giving away his possessions
- Being extra irritable or agitated
- Engaging in risky or self-destructive behavior
- Increasing alcohol/drug use
Trust Your Gut and Check In
All of us face tough times, and sometimes these can trigger suicidal thoughts and overwhelm our coping resources.
When someone is struggling, it could be linked to a single big event that’s negatively impacted them, or it could be a series of smaller things that have built up over time. Either way, it’s worth checking in if you know someone is going through a stressful time, or if they seem more down than usual.
If you think something is off, it probably is. Trust your gut and check in.
Check in With Yourself
Just thinking about talking about suicide can be overwhelming. Before reaching out to check in with him, first check in with yourself. Are you in a good headspace to have the conversation? Do you feel calm and grounded? Have an awareness of what you’re feeling and take a moment to put yourself in the best position to have the conversation.
Consider talking with a friend or professional, or one of the above identified support services.
Prepare for the Conversation
Before starting the conversation, it can help to pause and make a simple plan. Think about what you want to say and what might come next. Are there organizations, resources, or supports you could share if it feels appropriate?
Ideally, choose a place that feels private and quiet, where he’s more likely to feel comfortable opening up. Try to make sure you won’t be interrupted and that you have enough time to talk through whatever may come up.
While it’s ideal to have these conversations when things are calm, talk of suicide often arises during stressful or emotional moments. When that happens, the most important thing is to stay present: focus on what he’s saying, listen closely, and let him know you’re there.
Listen and Be There for Him
While preparation is helpful, what matters most in the moment is being present and listening with care.
- Take time to truly hear and understand what he’s going through and how he’s feeling.
- Show your interest, care, and concern for his well-being through your words and your presence. Avoid expressing judgment or jumping in with advice. Often, simply listening can be deeply supportive.
- Be the friend you would want at your side during tough times. Stay present. Be there.
Respectful supportive conversations where these elements are present can deepen connections, strengthen relationships, and save someone’s life.
Be Patient
It can take time for someone to open up. If he pauses while he’s talking, try not to rush in and fill the silence.
It can help to quietly count to five in your head and give the person that space.
Be Direct
Unless they tell you, the only way to know if someone is thinking about suicide is to ask. Being direct can feel awkward or uncomfortable, but asking shows that you’ve noticed something isn’t quite right, that you’ve been listening, and that you’re concerned.
Instead, it can open the door for them to talk about what’s really going on. Many people who think about suicide don’t necessarily want to die; they want the pain and distress they’re experiencing to ease, and they may not know how to make that happen on their own.
In fact, for some people, being asked directly can actually be a relief. It creates an opportunity to talk things through, check out concerns, focus on safety, and get support. And if he isn’t feeling suicidal, you might feel a little awkward for a moment, then move on. It may still be that he’s struggling in another way, and your interest can open the door to a meaningful conversation about what’s going on. Whatever happens, he’ll probably be grateful you’re checking in.
Check in and Prioritize Safety
If a man has indicated that he’s considering suicide, it’s helpful to understand where he is and how immediate the risk might be. This means exploring how much thought he’s given it, whether he has a plan, whether he has the means to act on it, and what support or safety options he has.
- Does he have a specific plan to end his life?
- Does he have the means to carry out this plan? For example, does he have access to a weapon, a car, drugs, or medicines? (If necessary, consider calling emergency services or removing objects to help keep him safe).
- Are there specific situations or pressures that increase the risk, or is there a current or upcoming stressor it would be helpful to know about?
- What’s helped him through tough times in the past and might provide some breathing space in this moment?
- How can you help right now?
The answers to these questions will help guide what to do next.
Decide What to Do
Once you’re talking, identify the next step. Be honest about any safety concerns and let him know if you need to take action to help keep him safe.
Some people feel unsure or conflicted about suicide and getting help. You may need to take direct action, looping in others to help persuade him to accept support.
Ask for a commitment
Thoughts of suicide often return, and when they do, it’s important that he reaches out. Ask for a clear, personal commitment that he’ll contact emergency services, call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, or reach out to you (if appropriate) if thoughts return and before he harms himself. Be clear that you’re serious and that this commitment matters.
Act and Connect
Your support in helping him connect with care and stay engaged can make a powerful difference.
- Take the lead in helping him connect with support, such as a primary care provider, counselor, mental health professional, or clinic. Offer to go with him to appointments if that helps, and ask him to commit to telling the provider about his suicidal thoughts. Follow up afterwards about if he raised the issue.
- Practical support in helping with things like keeping everyday tasks moving along and managing demands can help reduce pressure and make a big difference.
- Respect his privacy, but don’t agree to keep safety concerns a secret. Secrecy can increase risk.
- Advocate with and for him. Sometimes a service or health professional may not be capable of meeting all his needs.
- Keep in mind that many men with childhood trauma have little experience seeking help and may need extra encouragement. Remind him that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness. Getting support for suicidal thoughts can also open the door to addressing the longer-term impacts of trauma.
Stay Involved and Keep Checking In
Suicidal thoughts don’t usually go away on their own without support or a significant change in circumstances, so staying involved matters. Make time for regular check-ins, and if you’re friends, keep doing the everyday things you enjoy together. Stay connected in different ways, like face to face, phone calls, and texts.
Acknowledge and lean into his interests, strengths, and resources. Just as you’re there for him, be open to accepting help and support from him too.
Take Care of Yourself
- Prioritize self-care and stay connected to your own support network.
- It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions—fear, anger, confusion, or frustration—when someone you care about is struggling. Reach out for support if these feelings become persistent or overwhelming.
- Find someone you trust to talk with, such as a friend, colleague, family member, or health professional.
- Keep up your regular routine, stay engaged in activities you enjoy, and try not to let worry take over your life.
Your well-being matters, not just for them, but for you.
Final Thoughts
Suicidal thoughts are more common than many people realize, and they can show up for many different reasons. The most important thing to remember is that help is available. Talking with someone, even if starting that conversation feels hard, is a strong and meaningful first step. Reach out and connect with someone today.
As we’ve said, you don’t have to go through this alone.
And remember: Healing doesn’t follow a straight path. There will be ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean progress isn’t happening. Recognize the steps you’re taking, and know that even when they feel small, they add up. Take good care.
Disclaimer: The information on this page is general in nature and is not a substitute for professional advice. We encourage you to prioritize your safety and well-being and to consider seeking support from a qualified healthcare professional if needed.
